An Anthology of Accidental Assaults Upon Our Language
If you need a good laugh, read this book. Malapropism, typos and other bloopers from student papers, newspaper headlines, church bulletins, advertisements, sports programs, etc.
Here are a few:
Ads. "Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too!"
Signs: In a Michigan restaurant: The early bird gets the worm! Special shoppers' luncheon before 11 a.m.
At a Santa Fe gas station: We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container.
Headline: POLICE BEGIN CAMPAIGN TO RUN DOWN JAYWALKERS
ASBESTOS SUIT PRESSED
COMPLAINTS ABOUT NBA REFEREES GROWING UGLY
DEAF MUTE GETS NEW HEARING IN KILLING
They've decided to raise my benefits, and they're making it radioactive.
At the university, three classes of professor compromise the teaching staff.
Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so. --Josh Billings
Half the lies our opponents tell about us are not true.
Always be sincere, even when you don't mean it. --Irene Peter
We must believe in free will. We have no choice. --Isaac Bashevis Singer
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Monotheism is a gift from the gods.
I never liked you and I always will. --Sam Goldwyn
We're overpaying him, but he's worth it. --Sam Goldwyn
If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive! --ibid.
Going to call him William? What kind of a name is that. Every Tom, Dick, and Harry is called William. --ibid.
Sometimes you can observe a lot by watching. --Yogi Berra