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WagPowe 10-11-159 |
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Power
of 2 How
to Make the Most of Your Partnerships at Work and in Life Rodd
Wagner and Gale Muller Gallup
Press, 2009, 238 pp. ISBN 978-1-59562-029-3 |
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What
makes a partnership succeed? The
authors blend key insights, field discoveries, and inspiring stories to
illustrate eight elements that prepare partners to succeed. Rodd Wagner is a New York Times bestselling author and a principal of Gallup. Gale Muller is a vice chairman and general
manager of the Gallup World Poll. Introduction: Made
for Collaborating Powerful
partnerships are deeply elusive.
People today are often crowded but lonely. They're wired and networked but not
collaborating. "We no longer tell
real stories around the fire; we turn on the TV and watch familiar strangers
pretend." (3) "We are
collaborative creatures in a newly do-it-yourself world." (4) "Consequently,
the more good partnerships you have in your life, the more likely you are to
say that you experienced the feeling of enjoyment much of the day yesterday,
that you recently learned something interesting, and that you've been doing a
lot of smiling and laughing -- all key measures of your happiness. Even having one strong partnership markedly
increases your well-being over those who have none." (4) "Great
partnerships don't just happen." (7)
All successful partnerships share some crucial ingredients:
complementary strengths, a common mission, fairness, trust, acceptance,
forgiveness, communicating, and unselfishness. "Some researchers call it 'mutuality'
when the natural concern for your own welfare transforms into gratification in
seeing your comrade succeed. Those who
have reached this level say such collaborations become among the most
fulfilling aspects of their lives." (10)
1. Complementary Strengths "The
best happens when you and someone who has strengths that complement yours
join forces and focus on a single goal. … You accomplish together what could
not be done separately." (12) You
should be able to name the qualities you bring and those your counterpart
brings. In a strong partnership each
individual constantly speaks of "we" rather than
"I." There
is a pernicious fiction that anyone can accomplish anything alone with enough
determination and perseverance. The
pressure to be all things is pervasive.
But most people see themselves as more well-rounded than they really
are. "Great partners know where
they are strong and where they are weak." (25) Together Eisner and Wells led Disney to its
heights but when Wells died and Eisner continued alone, his weaknesses took
Disney to new lows. 2. A Common Mission "A friendship founded on business is
better than a business founded on friendship." (35, quoting John D.
Rockefeller) "A
common mission is the foundation for all partnerships." (36) "Collaboration is more than friendship
or collegiality…. It occurs only when
you and an ally strive for a definitive accomplishment -- passing work
between yourselves, 'putting your heads together,' or doubling up on a task
neither of you could accomplish alone.
For this reason, the relationship is unique. It exists to serve the goal. It lasts only until the mission is
accomplished. Once the objective is
reached, the partnership must adopt a new goal or it dissolves." "Coauthors are partners until their
book is finished." (37) The lack of a basic concurrence is when many
pairs fail. When limits of time or
money force difficult decisions, conflicting priorities become clear. "Your primary qualification to participate
in a partnership is your ability to help fulfill the mission the two of you
share." (38) "Without a
shared mission, partnerships inevitably break into two individual
pursuits." (39) While motivations
may not be the same, the objective is one, and good partners often understand
why it is meaningful to the other. In mountain climbing, when two men are on the
same rope they are together. They help each other all the way up and all
the way down. They are not 'leader'
and 'led' but partners. "A canoe
cannot be paddled in two directions." (48) 3. Fairness "…feelings of being used are often at the
heart of what destroys a working relationship." (58) "The emotional reactions of
collaborators drive them toward interacting fairly or not interacting at all."
(61) "During World War II, Hewlett, already a
member of the U.S. Army Reserve, was called back into active service. He was absent from the company for nearly
five years. Packard decreased his own
compensation to match that of Hewlett's military pay. 'I did not think it was
fair for my salary to be higher than Bill's army salary,' Packard
concluded. Not only was it a
substantial sacrifice, it was perfectly symbolic." (65) Most people over estimate the value of their own contributions
and underestimate how much work their partner does. 4. Trust "Every partner takes a risk that the other
person might fail…." (77) In a good working partnership, we trust each
other. We count on each other to do
what he says. And we tell others how
good he or she is. Don't partner if you
don't believe the partner is trustworthy.
Being trustworthy is showing up on time, doing
more than your share of the work, communicating promptly, giving all your
creativity, jumping in without being asked, fighting for success of the
project, working hard on big jobs and small ones, and many other things. In general people are reciprocating, both
positively and negatively, reflecting what they receive. This reciprocity is a powerful force in
human nature. (94) "The most important element in forming
and maintaining a variety of strong partnerships is … your willingness to
take the risk of trusting numerous potential partners and your diligence in
repaying the trust they place in you. …you need to be eager to cooperate; to
make early, friendly overtures to your partner; to stubbornly refuse to make
the first hostile or neglectful move; and to be quite willing to
forgive." (94-5) "Your first moves, friendly or hostile, tip
the balance for future interactions.
When you exhibit trust, you will most often find trustworthiness. When
you are selfish, you will most often find selfishness." (95) 5. Acceptance "You form partnerships fastest and easiest
with people most like yourself.
Deep-seated biases make you more trusting of those who look most like
you, who think like you, or with whom you have the most in common…."
(97) Social distance often has more consequences for
collaboration than physical distance.
Keys: Focus on each other's strengths.
Accept others as they are instead of trying to change them. Be understanding of mistakes. Mutual irritation is common in partnerships. Egocentrism means that you are normal but
the other person is a bit strange. We
are blind hypocrites, saying one thing and doing another and not noticing the
contradiction while, at the same time, we have a finely honed sense of
spotting it others. "Egocentrism
kills partnerships." "Partnerships require both people to
accommodate each other's foibles." (101)
"To the degree that you insist on taking the negative view of your
collaborator's personality, you will destroy the partnership."
(103) "One of the greatest challenges of any
partnership is learning how to work in close quarters with another
over-assuming, fallible, emotionally driven, partially informed, idiosyncratic
being moving up and down on the tides of life just like you. The most successful partners come to accept
the rough edges of their colleagues." (110) "Be careful about making your list of
unacceptable traits too long. As the
inventory of behaviors you won't tolerate grows, it begins to say less about
the frustrating counterparts with whom you've been paired and more about you
being a difficult partner." (111) "The best way to deal with a frustrating
situation is called 'active acceptance,' neither denying the situation nor
surrendering to it. Active acceptance
means acknowledging a negative, difficult situation and dealing with it in a
constructive way…. It is epitomized by focusing on your partner's strengths
rather than her weaknesses, accepting her as she is, and being understanding
when she errs." (113) 6. Forgiveness When things turn negative, partners see
themselves as pursuing opposing ends.
Fairness becomes more about what your partner owes you. Personal ticks become character flaws. The same emotional wiring that makes
partnerships effective and rewarding can become powerful negative forces when
things go wrong. Both parties use
different arithmetic to calculate the balance. Retaliation is deadly. The offender must apologize. "Make your good intentions clear. Make a peace offering. Be demonstrably more reliable to rebuild
trust." If you feel betrayed,
"you need a tremendous amount of discernment, self-control, ability to
give your counterpart the benefit of the doubt, and desire for a better
outcome to turn a vicious circle into a virtuous one. How you manage your own thinking is as
important as the offense itself. In
many cases, whether a person forgives the misdeed says less about the
seriousness of the wrong than the personality of the partner whose trust was
abused." (123) Venting to reduce anger is like using gasoline to
put out a fire -- it only feeds the flame.
"By fueling aggressive thoughts and feelings, venting also
increases aggressive responding." (125) The more one entertains the
anger or recalls the bad event, the less likely it is to be resolved, and
therefore the less likely the partnership will survive the rift."
(126) "The most constructive strategies require
you to find a middle ground between being aloof and submersing yourself in
the emotions…." Find the positive
in it. It takes a rare level of
maturity and self-awareness to let the trespass pass. 7. Communicating "The more elaborate our means of
communication, the less we communicate." (133, quoting Joseph Priestley) "Silence can breed misunderstandings."
(136) Failing to communicate creates a
threat in your partner's mind. "Every
time two counterparts talk, their relationship
changes. What goes on beneath the
surface is more important than the information exchanged." (136) Good partners rarely misunderstand each
other and listen well to each other. The communication is as much collaboration as the
hands-on work. In your best
discussions, you are unconsciously communicating that you can be counted on
and that you will look out for the other person. Do you have a policy of checking with each other
before you do something big?
"Assuming without verifying is dangerous. We are not mind readers; we are mind
guessers. Sometimes we guess wrong."
(143) The puzzle of determining the structure of DNA required
a tremendous amount of conjecture. The
ability to bounce ideas off each other proved the principal strength of the
collaboration between Crick and Watson.
They weren't the least bit afraid of being candid with one another.
(147) 8. Unselfishness Three key statements about unselfishness:
"Self-sacrifice does not follow the rules of
evolutionary biology…."
"Feelings of moral obligation come naturally to people. …we have
an incredible capacity for reverence for unselfishness. … Our species is
apparently the only one with a genetic makeup that promotes selflessness and
true altruistic behavior." (160, quoting Fehr and Renninger) [Hmmm… dlm] "Unselfishness changes everything about
collaboration." (161) In Closing - Looking Within "Being a great partner is hard
work." (171) "Collaborating well demands a degree of
accommodation and humility rarely needed otherwise. It can require exceptional diplomatic
abilities, awareness, countering your natural biases, and the flexibility to
incorporate another strong ego into the demands of your own. Occasionally, it requires great
self-control and forgiveness. In all
cases, it demands an intense desire to achieve the mutual goal that overcomes
what Tenzing Norgay called the 'small bickering and
resentments,' the 'molehills' that interfere with scaling the mountain."
(172) "If you want to have great partnerships, be
a great partner. Get beyond
yourself. Give up the notion that you
are well-rounded, and stop expecting your colleagues to be universally
proficient. Incorporate someone else's
motivations into your view of the accomplishment. Loosen up.
Put aside your competitive nature, your prepackaged view of how the
thing should be done, and your desire not to be inconvenienced with the
imperfections of a fellow human being.
Focus more on what you do for the partnership than what you get from
it. Demonstrate trust in more people,
and see if they don't surprise you with their trustworthiness. Be slower to anger and quicker to forgive. And along the way, communicate
continuously." (172) Additional Insights for Business People For Managers: A Boss or a Partner? Many collaborative opportunities arise when one
person has power over the other. The
majority of managers claim they are more a partner than boss, but most of
their subordinates think otherwise.
The same attributes that make a good partnership between equals make a
good alliance between managers and employees.
Employees may lack official authority, but their informal power is
substantial. People mirror what they perceive coming from the
other person. People return what they
think they are getting. Reciprocity is
more powerful than rationality. For Leaders: Creating Collaborative Organizations More than half of all mergers, acquisitions,
strategic alliances and other ways of bringing two organizations together
fail. More often than not, the two
firms fail to integrate and realize the promised synergy. The process of combining is costly,
complex, and time-consuming. Leaders
usually fail to realize the complexities.
"There is a reason parts of a company are called divisions. Most often, they are divided from the rest
of the organization, pursuing their own ends, suspicious of those outside
their fold." "A collaborative organization is like a
zipper. To work, both sides must be
firmly fastened together from top to bottom.
Individual partnerships between people from each entity are like the
interlocking teeth of the zipper that hold it together. When teeth are separated or missing, it
threatens the entire bond between the two sides." (189-90) "One of the most common fatal flaws in
creating a collaborative organization is failing to pursue a common mission,
a goal premised on an agreement that both camps will succeed together."
(190) "A collaboration
between entities is nothing more than the sum of the individual partnerships
between the two enterprises. Unless an
organization's leaders attend to the details of those working relationships,
the merger, the alliance, the joint marketing agreement, or whatever it's
called, will certainly fail." (192) "No leader who struggles to collaborate
should expect his or her subordinate leaders or departments to do so."
(193) Powerful examples among the
leaders are absolutely necessary.
Partnerships begin at the top.
And partnership must be built throughout. (194) |
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